When is it OK to move on?

What I've been doing

Has it been long enough? It’s been more than a year that I’ve been on my own … which isn’t long at all seeing that I was married for 15 years.

Is it OK to admit that I miss not a specific person but companionship? Having someone to hang out on the couch with, to watch cruddy preseason football with? Or should I pretend that being lonely is just fine?

Is there a timeline for getting back out into the world? Do I want to try it again? Not marriage. Heck, no. Just someone to watch football with, go to a movie, get coffee, catch a concert, have a beer, hang out. Maybe more, maybe less.

I do get lonesome sometimes when Riley isn’t here. The house is so quiet without her energy and joy that I just turn on the Braves while I read or write or unpack all the boxes I packed when I thought I might move.

Of course, I enjoy many aspects of my alone time. If I want to go out with friends, I go. The bathroom counter space and walk-in closet are all mine. I can stay up all night reading. My razors are lasting quite a long time. Obviously, there are some benefits.

Still, though, as the great Bruce said, we all need that human touch. Even me.

Edited: August 19th, 2011

Vacation … it never lasts long enough

Riley and I and my mom and dad spent the last five days in Gulf Shores, Ala., at the beach. The sand was sugary white and not a tar ball in sight, but we did see several jellyfish.

As soon as we got there, we had lunch at The Hangout. The food is overpriced, but the atmosphere is fun – it’s right on the beach with live music and fun for the kiddies. Riley enjoyed climbing the sand dune and posing in the adirondack chairs.

We hit the beach that evening and stayed until nearly dark. Which we did every night.

Instead of eating out all day every day, we bought groceries and had breakfast and lunch in the condo. We also had hot dogs, and bacon and egg sandwiches on two nights. Another night we ordered from Pizza Hut. The other night we ate at Desoto’s, which my mom and dad loved. I’m not much of a seafood eater, but I did enjoy the fish.

Of course, most of our time was spent at the beach and the condo pool. I can never get enough of the beach. I would love to live there, but not among the crowds. I want a little house on the beach with very few neighbors and a little mom and pop grocery store and a good cafe.

Our final day there, I took Riley to the Alabama Gulf Coast Zoo and Fort Morgan. She was all smiles and told me it was the best day ever.

The trip home was fine until just north of Birmingham, when I blew a tire in the left-hand lane on I-65. I couldn’t get over because there was so much traffic. I called the Highway Patrol, but no troopers were in Jefferson County at the time (really? what’s up with that?) and the service patrol doesn’t work on weekends (again … really?), so the lady connected me to Hurst Towing. The guy helped us unload some of our beach bags to get to the spare and jack. And he changed the tire for free! But I couldn’t go without paying him something, so I did.

We made it home safe. I’m thankful for such a great time with my family.

Edited: June 19th, 2011

Tornadoes wipe out part of my community

I found this receipt from Hackleburg, 115 miles away, on our sidewalk the day after the storm.

After 5 days without power, I’m finally charging my computer and blogging about what has happened in my community and the state. And I’m asking for your help.

Tornadoes ripped across Alabama on Wednesday, from Tuscaloosa to Huntsville. While Tuscaloosa is getting most of the attention, it’s not the only place affected.

Several small towns were obliterated. Towns where I played softball, towns that I drove through on my way to Brewer State Junior College, towns whose schools I covered during my time as a sportswriter.

Communities gone. Thousands of people are left with nothing.

Part of the damage in the Lawrence County community of Mount Hope. Photo by Matt McKean/Decatur Daily

Mount Hope.
Hackleburg.
Phil Campbell.
Carter’s Gin.
Harvest.

All these places need help. So fire up your phone and text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to tornado relief here in my beloved Alabama. Or visit Red Cross to give online.

You can also donate blood; it’s a lifesaver that’s always needed.

If you live near any of these places, see what they need … bottled water, clothing, diapers, feminine products, food, tarps … and donate some goods.

Or you can sign up online to volunteer in the cleanup.

The sky just after the storm went through Wednesday night.

My neighbors and I have been sharing food, shelter, hot water (some have gas water heaters and generators), and companionship. Having wonderful neighbors has been a blessing, especially when you’ve got a bored 9-year-old who doesn’t know what it’s like to live without electricity for more than an hour or two.

We still don’t have power at my house, but there is power at work, so I’ll go back tomorrow. Two days without pay is two days too many. Riley will be with my parents until we get power back and school starts back. Ryan is without power and needs to work when he can, too.

Grilled SpaghettiOs for lunch

I am so grateful that my family and my home made it through these devastating storms this week. And I’ll be doing what I can to help my neighbors and community heal and rebuild in the coming weeks and months.

I hope you’ll help, too.

Edited: May 1st, 2011

Hey, y’all! That’s Southern for welcome

I wish some of you folks who’ve visited my blog would stop in and say hi. I’m fascinated by all the different places that show up in my stats, like these: Brooklyn, NY
Birmingham, AL
Oklahoma City
Fort Worth
Gainesville
Atlanta
Wichita
Cincinnati
Ontario
Stockholm
Leasburg, Missouri
Sweden
Rhode Island
Netherlands
Rome, Italy
Allentown
Little Rock
Manchester, England

Most people seem to be reading about cochlear implants or Joey McIntyre’s work to raise awareness for hearing loss. A few are checking out the music posts.

No matter what you’re reading here, I appreciate your time. And I’d love if you’d introduce yourself, tell me how you found my blog, and let me know if you have any questions. Thanks!

Edited: April 4th, 2011

AV therapy, softball, dance, Bama basketball

Since Riley’s therapy was cut back to every other week, we’ve been focusing on getting her to think about graduating from auditory-verbal. She has two goals right now:

1. Look at the person who’s talking
and the person you’re talking to.
2. Talk in complete sentences.

She’s doing pretty well with those two objectives, but I still have to prompt her occasionally.

Our therapist completed vocabulary testing last week and to everyone’s surprise Riley scored at or above her chronological age! We think it’s the first time she has hit or surpassed her “real” age and not her hearing age. She is on the right path.

We are working on synonyms and antonyms, idioms, context clues and inferences – important things heading into fourth grade next year. Riley is also supposed to be making notes of words she doesn’t know when comes across them in her reading.

Report cards come home Thursday, so that will tell the tale. Her weekly grades are mostly A’s and B’s, with a smattering of C’s and a D here and there. No more F’s, though. The lower grades seem to come whenever new material is introduced, which is why preteaching is so important. And, obviously, I haven’t been doing enough of that lately.

Also, her class is reviewing for state testing in math right now. Third-graders take the SAT (I think that’s the name), and I’m anxious to see how she does. Geometry, fractions and decimals have all been part of the curriculum this year.

Dance class is getting busier … she’s taking only acrobatics this year, but costumes are coming soon and picture day is in two weeks. Riley is good at acro; she’s almost got the back walkover and a one-hand cartwheel is a piece of cake. Next year, I’ll probably let her go back to taking two or three classes because dance is something she excels at.

Softball is starting next week; several practices have been rained out, so her team this year (all new to her except for two) will be rough around the edges. I will brag a bit about Riley, though. She is one of the fastest and has one of the strongest arms on the team. Her throwing is much improved.

The divorce was final last month, and I’m selling the house. I’m glad it is over, and we can move forward.

Oh, and, Roll Tide! Basketball season was fun, but I think the Tide got hosed by being left out of the NCAA Tournament. Winning the NIT would be nice, though. Go, Bama!

Edited: March 14th, 2011

Justin Bieber is cute. My girl watching JB? Cute overload!

Last night, Riley’s BFF’s mom and I took the girls (and BFF’s little brother) to see Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never 3D. I went into it expecting your typical cheesy Disney/Nick platitudes and overprocessed pop, and was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t any of that.

It was good, and I came out a Justin Bieber fan. Seriously. The kid can sing and he seems to be a good boy. He exudes happiness on the stage, and he appears grateful for his opportunities. I particularly loved Justin’s grandparents, who helped his mom raise him. His grandfather tears up when describing the day his daughter and grandson left Ontario for the U.S. It’s touching.

The best thing about the whole night? Watching my daughter and her friend freak out over this cute little pop star. “Ohmygosh, we can touch him! Ahhhh!” they said when we got to our seats in the theater. The two of them, nodding their heads to the beat, wearing their 3D glasses was a priceless sight.

It reminded me so much of myself in my early days of discovering musicians and music. For me, it was Shaun Cassidy, then Bon Jovi and New Kids on the Block in high school up through today and Amos Lee and Jonathan Tyler & The Northern Lights.

My friend McLovin said it best via Twitter: Musicians. They start stealing our hearts early and never give it back. They just get new faces.

She is so right.

Rock on, baby girl! Never lose your love for the beat.

Edited: February 12th, 2011

Bon Jovi 45 and other treasures

When it comes to divorce, it’s about more than a marriage ending. It’s also about splitting up all your stuff! While we’ve taken care of everything in the house, we still need to dig through the boxes of past lives in the attic. So that’s what I was doing when I found this:

Yes. That is a 45 rpm. A record. A vinyl disc with a hole in the middle. You play it on a record player. It cost me $1.63 plus tax at Walmart, probably in 1986.

“Living on a Prayer” was in a box with two old diaries (one from high school, one from junior college), three New Kids on the Block t-shirts (two concert, one fan club), old cassette tapes and VHS videos, old letters (sadly, none about love), high school and college transcripts and other memorabilia.

One of the aforementioned cassette tapes contained some rare gems mined from Top 40 radio back in the late ’80s and early ’90s. Like this:

And this:

And my theme song:

I’ve been rocking like it’s 1992 in my truck (the location of the only cassette player I have) on the way to and from work every day. Man, I love these songs … and the memories they bring … before I got serious about a boy, before responsibilities, when the possibilities of life were endless …

Then the tape stops and I’m snapped back to reality. But only until it flips to the other side and I hear this (Dude? Cornrows? Really? SMH):

And this:

Peace out, y’all!

Edited: February 2nd, 2011

Christmas in pictures

Edited: January 5th, 2011

White Christmas

Turns out instead of a blue Christmas, I had a white Christmas. And a happy Christmas.

Riley and I woke up to about two inches of snow on the ground and it fell steadily until around noon. We built a snowman, threw snowballs and caught snow on our tongues. It was awesome.

Edited: December 25th, 2010

Roll Tide

Simple. Beautiful. Classy. Roll Tide.

Edited: December 17th, 2010

Blue Christmas

Every time I’ve come here to write, I’ve decided against it. But today’s the day. I’m going to talk about what’s been going on the past five months. But not in too much detail. Details suck sometimes.

I will be a single mom probably by the first of the year. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you’d planned. Sometimes two people just don’t fit together anymore. It hurts, but it’s time to move on and start a new life.

Y’all know how much I love Christmas, from the lights and trees to presents, shows and music. So this year, three of my favorite tunes – “Blue Christmas,” “Please Come Home for Christmas” and “Christmas, Baby Please Come Home” – certainly apply to my situation. I love these songs whether I have someone to meet under the mistletoe or not.

While it will be sad that the three of us won’t be a family at Christmas, I won’t be singing these tunes about the past and love lost. I’ll be singing them and I may brush away a tear or two, but I’ll be doing my damnedest not to be sad and blue. I have Riley to make it bright and shiny and new and happy.

And I’ve got the rest of my family and friends, a job I love, my writing, a roof over our head and food in the fridge. And it’s Christmas! So while my happiness might have a little blue around the edges, it’s still going to be merry and bright. And I’m grateful for that.

Edited: November 30th, 2010

New resource: Hearing Families

Efrat Schorr, a developmental psychologist, launched the website Hearing Families early this year. Dr. Schorr has first-hand experience with hearing loss. “As a mother of a child with hearing loss, there were so many questions I had about my son’s social and emotional development and I had nowhere to turn. I decided to start this website to share information that is hard to find.”

The site covers everything from newly diagnosed children to understanding teens to supporting siblings of kids with hearing loss. Dr. Schorr welcomes questions and suggestions from parents, too.

Her Top 10 List is packed with gems to remember, especially this one: “YOU are your child’s most persuasive advocates – your child is counting on you.”

Check it out; you might discover something you never knew.

Edited: October 5th, 2010