Blue Christmas

Every time I’ve come here to write, I’ve decided against it. But today’s the day. I’m going to talk about what’s been going on the past five months. But not in too much detail. Details suck sometimes.

I will be a single mom probably by the first of the year. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you’d planned. Sometimes two people just don’t fit together anymore. It hurts, but it’s time to move on and start a new life.

Y’all know how much I love Christmas, from the lights and trees to presents, shows and music. So this year, three of my favorite tunes – “Blue Christmas,” “Please Come Home for Christmas” and “Christmas, Baby Please Come Home” – certainly apply to my situation. I love these songs whether I have someone to meet under the mistletoe or not.

While it will be sad that the three of us won’t be a family at Christmas, I won’t be singing these tunes about the past and love lost. I’ll be singing them and I may brush away a tear or two, but I’ll be doing my damnedest not to be sad and blue. I have Riley to make it bright and shiny and new and happy.

And I’ve got the rest of my family and friends, a job I love, my writing, a roof over our head and food in the fridge. And it’s Christmas! So while my happiness might have a little blue around the edges, it’s still going to be merry and bright. And I’m grateful for that.

Edited: November 30th, 2010

New resource: Hearing Families

Efrat Schorr, a developmental psychologist, launched the website Hearing Families early this year. Dr. Schorr has first-hand experience with hearing loss. “As a mother of a child with hearing loss, there were so many questions I had about my son’s social and emotional development and I had nowhere to turn. I decided to start this website to share information that is hard to find.”

The site covers everything from newly diagnosed children to understanding teens to supporting siblings of kids with hearing loss. Dr. Schorr welcomes questions and suggestions from parents, too.

Her Top 10 List is packed with gems to remember, especially this one: “YOU are your child’s most persuasive advocates – your child is counting on you.”

Check it out; you might discover something you never knew.

Edited: October 5th, 2010

Good progress

Some good news about Riley and her auditory-verbal therapy … our therapist cut us back to every other week instead of every week! After seven years of weekly sessions (give or take holidays and illnesses), it’s nice that she’s made so much progress that we can go less often.

Her expressive vocabulary is better, her sentences are better and her conversation skills are better. I think a lot has to do with her social life, too. She plays softball and dances and has lots of friends who treat her like a “normal” kid. Her teachers and coaches expect the same out of her as they do other kids. She has accommodations at school, but she’s still expected to do everything.

Riley’s teacher makes her use correct sentence structure even when she knows what Riley is trying to say. I do the same at home. Her coaches often ask her for clarification, too. Everyone is working together to get the best out of Riley, and it’s paying off.

Third-grade math is a bit of a struggle, but she’s catching on. Slowly. This carrying the one and taking away the one and multiplication is tough. She’ll get three or four problems right, then miss one or two. One thing I’ve done to help her is have her tell me how to solve the problem. We go column by column and she tells me what to do and what numbers to write. Then we check our work with the calculator. That works pretty well.

She has two projects to do over fall break: a book report and a multiplication model. She hasn’t picked her book yet, but she’s finished her model using candy to illustrate 2×9=18. That’s my girl! Anything hands-on she loves and will get cracking on it right away. She did the same with her “All About Me” poster at the beginning of school. Finished it the day it was assigned.

She makes my life beautiful.

Edited: October 3rd, 2010

Summer Breeze

Summertime and the living is easy … mostly. Riley’s at day camp every day while Ryan and I work (this week she’s in Town Creek with my parents), we’ve been spending lost of time with friends, and we’ve spend lots of time at the softball field since she made all-stars. (We played two tournaments and didn’t do so hot, but the experience was so good for Riley’s confidence and her desire to win. But that’s another post.)

Anyway, these are the songs we’ve been listening to this summer–some old, some new. Riley enjoys most of them, but don’t worry, I keep the dirty words to myself. And I’m not including her HSM songs, because, really, when they’re playing year-round they don’t make the Summer Playlist.

Pardon Me–Jonathan Tyler & The Northern Lights

Baby, Baby–Justin Bieber

All I Do Is Win–DJ Khaled, et al

Baby Jane–Rod Stewart

Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight–Amos Lee

Not Afraid–Eminem

She’s a Bad Mama Jama–Carl Carlton

I Want A Love I Can See–The Temptations

Carryout–Timbaland, Justin Timberlake

The Ballad of Jayne–L.A. Guns

Your Love is My Drug–Ke$ha

Love Uncompromised–Jason Castro

Edited: July 11th, 2010

Show me your hearing

So I got this email the other day from Jennifer with the Hear the World initiative about a photography contest, sponsored by Phonak, called “Show Us Your Hearing.” The project wants to see you in a “conscious pose of hearing” (hand cupped behind your ear) and aims to raise awareness of hearing loss, which affects 16 percent of the world.

Each year in the United States alone, 12,000 babies are born with hearing loss, and the American Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery reports that 1.3 million children under age 3 have a hearing impairment.

Clearly, hearing loss affects every aspect of a child’s life, from academics to developmental to social issues. Most of you know our story: Our daughter, Riley, was diagnosed with profound deafness when she was around 18 months old. We were devastated, but with education and information we made the right decision for our family. Just before she turned 2, she had cochlear implant surgery and now at age 8, she is a bilateral CI user headed to the third grade, an all-star softball player and an incredible dancer.

Some big names in music are part of this initiative including Annie Lennox, Rod Stewart, Common, Billy Idol, Harry Belafonte, Joss Stone, Lenny Kravitz. Singer-songwriter and photographer Bryan Adams captured each ambassador in the “hearing pose,” which “demonstrates the importance of being aware of your hearing at every age.”

Check out the Hear the World photographs—including ones of Annie Lennox, Peter Gabriel, Moby, and Amy Winehouse.

Now the initiative wants you to submit your own photo! Details are below.

Show Us Your Hearing
Photography Competition

WHEN IS THE CONTEST DEADLINE? Monday, July 12th
HOW DO I ENTER? To enter, follow these 5 easy steps:

1. Register: You will receive an email registration confirmation from Hear the World. If you don’t receive an email, please check your Junk Mail folder.

2. Visit: Click the “enter the contest” button, and enter the entry form.

3. Upload a photograph of you, a friend, or family member in the “Conscious Pose of Hearing.” The photo must be high res (300dpi), between 1MB – 3MB.

4. Give your photograph a title and provide a description of up to 100 words describing the importance of being aware of your hearing at every age.

5. Click “Send.” Your Entry will not be officially entered into the Competition unless you click the final Send button and receive a confirmation screen that states that your Entry was accepted.

WHY SHOULD I ENTER?

• To take a moment to think about your sense of hearing and the sounds you are grateful to hear every day.
• To support the Hear the World initiative, which is dedicated to raising awareness about the importance of hearing, while also educating the public about the consequences of hearing loss and the available solutions.
• For a chance to win a Polaroid 300 Instant Camera and for a chance to see your photograph published in the award-winning Hear the World magazine.

WHAT ARE THE JUDGES LOOKING FOR?

• Most visually appealing–50%
• Originality–30%
• 100 word description–10%
• Self-explanatory–10%

HOW AND WHEN WILL THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER BE DETERMINED?
1. The public will vote on their favorite photo between July 13 – August 3.
2. The top five entries that receive the most votes will be judged by a panel of judges between August 4 – August 10.
3. The grand prize winner will be announced on August 16 on the Hear the World website. Winners will be notified by phone and email.

Edited: June 30th, 2010

We are the champions

Riley’s team beat its nemesis of the last two years to win the tournament championship 8-4. Riley had two RBIs and scored once. Below, is the game in pictures, starting with me and my friend Melissa (our third baseman Kam’s mom) just before Ryan threw the first pitch.

Yeah, we know. We’re hot.

Riley is ready for some action.

Riley gets a hit …

That ended up as a “triple …”

And she scores!

“Would someone please hit it to me? I’m getting bored.”

Senators win! Yay!

Momma showing off her team spirit!

Gerald (Kam’s dad) and my daddy taking in the celebration

Riley and one of her best friends, Kam

Ryan and Riley & Gerald and Kam

Riley & Ryan, who pitched an awesome game

Edited: June 4th, 2010

Dance the night away

Riley’s dance recital was two nights last week. Her first night was ballet; the second night was acrobatics and jazz. She did wonderfully–she knew where everyone was supposed to be, and she helped get them there. She loves dancing and it shows! We are so proud of her and everything she has accomplished in her two years on stage.

Getting ready backstage before One Dance

Riley waves to her adoring public after the first-night finale

Waiting her turn for her one-handed cartwheel during Cotton-Eyed Joe

Backstage getting ready for Jailhouse Rock

Proud parents with our dancer girl

Edited: May 29th, 2010

Softball

The first and third photos of Riley were taken by my friend Melissa; the middle one is mine with some effects done in Photoshop Mobile. We’re about to head to the field for a doubleheader. Go, Senators!

Right now, the girls are in second place, with four games to go. The tournament starts May 17, which is also one of Riley’s dress rehearsal days for dance. But that’s a whole different story.

Edited: May 8th, 2010

A change has come

I haven’t blogged about this yet, but I love my new job (part time) as department secretary at Huntsville Hospital Pediatric Therapy – I feel like I’m making a difference for the children we see, and I feel like I’m giving back a little of what so many have helped us with during Riley’s journey to hearing.

The clinic sees patients for speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy and now audiology. It’s exciting that families no longer have to drive to Birmingham or Nashville to have their child’s hearing tested or their cochlear implants mapped or their hearing aids adjusted. All that is available in Huntsville now.

It took a lot of hard work from the therapists, the audiologist, the volunteers, the hospital’s foundation, and many donors to help get the audiology program started. And it’s so worth it.

I’m learning so much about how these services really benefit these kids. I know first-hand how great auditory-verbal therapy is. Now I’m learning the benefits of OT. And about how you do PT with a 3-month-old. These therapy disciplines are fascinating.

Another cool thing? I wear scrubs to work. No futzing with dress pants and shoes. Or trying to find a shirt that fits. Or that isn’t too wrinkled. Just toss on the scrubs and go. I’m working on my color combos: Today it was turquoise and red; other days it’s been hot pink and navy.

I’m still writing, too. In fact, I’m working on a story right now for a national publication and another for a regional parenting magazine. And, of course, I’m still writing for VisitSouth.com’s Huntsville site. Stop by and leave me a comment there, too. The more links and visits and shares and tweets and posts I get the better.

In case you’re wondering, I took a buyout from the newspaper in January and was set to be a full-time writer when this opportunity at the hospital came along. Sometimes things have a way of working out, when the time is right. The good Lord knows what He is doing.

I’m loving my new schedule, and I’ve almost grown accustomed to getting up early. I’m still working on getting to bed early, as you can see. It’s nearly 11 p.m. and I’m banging away on this keyboard!

So that’s my update for now. Things are going well, and we’re enjoying life!

Edited: April 19th, 2010

No longer on duty

Riley gets a hit and heads for first

After two years of being dugout mom for Riley’s softball team, I’m not this year. And it’s working out great! Riley is becoming more independent and taking more responsibility for herself.

I don’t have to worry about her getting her helmet or bat or glove or mask. Or getting her “skull wrap” on to keep her CI processors in place under her batting helmet. She does it all on her own. I can relax and watch the game instead of fussing to get her and the other girls ready to bat. Or hustle to get them back on the field for defense.

This year’s dugout/team mom is waaaay more organized than I am! She had the game schedule, snack duties, concession duties and picture day all set up before you could say “Go, Senators!” She’s doing a fantastic job.

The girls are 5-1, and they’ve been playing so well lately. Everyone’s hitting, and they’re making good, solid plays on defense. At times they have a tendency to throw the ball around, but that just comes from being 7- and 8-year-olds and getting a little too excited sometimes.

Ryan grooves a pitch to one of our hitters.

Ryan is pitching this year, and he’s doing a good job. He’s learning where all the girls like to swing, and they are connecting. And crushing it.

Riley’s learned a lot about playing defense this year, and she’s getting comfortable in the outfield and at second base.

It’s a joy to see her having fun and learning and being physical. I hope her love of activity lasts a lifetime.

And my new job allows me to go to the games and hang out afterward, instead of rushing back to edit the newspaper. It’s awesome having a normal (well, relatively speaking) life now that I’m not working nights!

Edited: April 15th, 2010

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Riley has to finish these three before getting the next one.

I took Riley to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid a couple of weeks ago. It was a snap decision. We got home from my parents’ house on Friday evening at 4:30, saw the trailer about 5 and were showered and at the Rave by 6. She loved it! I enjoyed it, too, but the main character, Greg Heffley, was not my favorite. Rowley was.

Now, Riley has the books, but I haven’t read them, so I had no idea what the story was. Greg was not a nice friend, and having a pain-in-the-butt for an older brother was no excuse. Although, Rodrick was kind of cute. Rodrick is always getting Greg in trouble, and Mom never gives Greg the benefit of the doubt. Dad? He’s just clueless, while little brother Manny is adorable.

What I loved about Rowley (aside from his red hair) is that he’s just himself. He dresses how he likes, he plays, and he’s a good friend. Angie was a cool character, and I would’ve liked to have seen her in the movie more. She could be a great role model for girls.

Patty was hilarious. We’ve all known a super obnoxious kid like her, right? The girl who always has to be first, always in the spotlight and always makes sure everyone knows how great she is. Ugh!

Fregley (who is from Alabama) was disgustingly funny. But ewww! Gross! And Chirag … what a cute kid! The “cheese touch” cracked me up not only for its absurdity, but also for the way Chirag told the story. Classic middle school.

It’s worth the trip to the theater, and it led to a discussion on how to be a good friend. Like Rowley. Even if your friend is a little different. Like Rowley.

The movie made me want to read the books. And I will. As soon as I have time.

Edited: April 7th, 2010

Joey McIntyre shares story of his son’s hearing loss

Riley waits for her snack after the softball game. See her blue and pink CIs?

Joey McIntyre of New Kids on the Block and Dancing with the Stars fame share his family’s story of hearing loss in the latest issue of People magazine. His youngest son, 3-month-old Rhys, has been diagnosed with a severe loss and is wearing hearing aids. According to the article, the family is working with an auditory-verbal therapist and might consider cochlear implants.

Many of the comments on the article are insulting, rude, and just plain ignorant. While I have no problem with a family wanting to immerse their hearing-impaired child in Deaf culture, I do have a problem with those same people spreading lies and accusing other families of abuse because they made a different choice.

I’m going to address 20 things posted in the article’s comments and clear up a few misconceptions about cochlear implants. Feel free to ask questions in the comments section or share this post with others.

1. Cochlear implants DO NOT require additional surgeries as a child grows. The only reason additional surgery would be needed is if the device failed. CIs have a 1% failure rate.

2. Cochlear implants ARE NOT implanted into the brain. It IS NOT brain surgery.

3. If parents want their child to use spoken language, they CANNOT WAIT until the child is old enough to “make the decision for himself.” Most language learning occurs before the age of 3, so waiting would put the child at a terrible disadvantage.

4. Sign language is great, if a family wants to learn it. My family, for instance, is HUGE. I didn’t expect all 100 of them to learn ASL. Even if they wanted to, it would be nearly impossible, and Riley would’ve had no way to communicate with cousins, great aunts, and I didn’t want that.

5. My daughter knows a few signs, for those times when she doesn’t wear her CI processors, but she doesn’t “rely on” ASL and doesn’t need to.

6. Speech is available at birth. How do you think typically hearing children learn language? It seems that Rhys is benefiting from his hearing aids, so using spoken language is appropriate.

7. The implant is NOT DRILLED into the skull, like a screw is drilled into a piece of wood. A pocket for the implant is carved into the skull and a small hole is drilled into the mastoid bone so that the electrode array can be inserted into the cochlea. Read more on cochlear implant surgery at Tampa Bay Hearing and Balance Center.

Riley got hearing aids when she was 19 months old.

8. Cochlear implants don’t “fix” hearing and don’t claim to. They offer users access to sound. Just like you have to learn to speak, you also have to learn to hear.

9. AG Bell is a proponent of listening and spoken language, but that doesn’t mean the organization is against sign language. It’s not either/or.

10. Auditory-Verbal Therapy focuses on teaching a child to use her hearing and learn to speak. It DOES NOT “forbid” all gestures; in fact, a hand cue is used during therapy. It signals the child to listen.

11. If deafness is not a disability, why do so many Deaf people use hearing aids? What are you trying to “fix”?

12. Riley’s CIs don’t hurt when she puts them on.

13. Riley is a special-needs child. Any child who has an IEP or who has special accommodations at school is a special-needs child. It is not a bad thing.

14. Riley’s CIs help her hear, but she is and will always be deaf.

15 A deaf child DOES NOT belong to the Deaf culture. She belongs to her parents.

16. Riley’s hearing aids and cochlear implants and speech therapy ARE COVERED by insurance.

17. You CAN have X-rays if you have CIs. Riley has had them done at the dentist.

Jumping from the high dive into 15 feet of water was not a problem for her implants.

18. You CAN swim if you have CIs (you just take off the processors.) No, you can’t do deepwater diving, but how many people do you know who are deepwater divers?

19. Children with cochlear implants have a quality of life equal to that of hearing peers.

20. I respect Deaf families wanting to immerse their child in the Deaf culture. Why can’t they respect my wanting to immerse my child in the hearing culture?

Edited: March 28th, 2010